Is This Goodbye?
by dottyforever15
Summary: Two-shot based on the Japril kiss/April crying scene in the promo.


The cool night air hit her face, her heart still racing from the amazing adrenaline rush from doing the impossible. Saving that man's life was the impossible and she did it. She could do anything.

"Nice work." a soft familiar voice came from behind her. April turned and smiled. She was high on the rush, and took a few small steps to where he stood. She leaned in with a soft smile and kissed his beautiful lips. Jackson put his hand on her shoulder and gently held her back. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, knowing this was not going to be easy.

"April, we need to talk." His voice was not stern. He sounded sad. Almost defeated.

The small smile that graced her face fell and was replaced by the tougher exterior he had been accustomed to for the past three months.

"I can't do this anymore."

April's eyebrows furrowed. "What are you saying Jackson?" Her heart was starting to speed up again and she could feel knots twist in her stomach. She had never seen him look like this. He looked absolutely heartbroken.

"This. Us. April... I can't do it anymore. I can't just be in this marriage by myself anymore. It's like you're back, but you're not. We barely talk and when we do, it feels so forced it makes me sick. We never agree about anything, that much was obvious tonight." He said referencing to her sidelining him in the OR to do some procedure he'd never heard of that she learned in combat. Twice in one day the army screwed him.

"You're mad because I saved that guy's life?" April asked almost incredulously, completely not understanding what was about to happen.

Jackson couldn't believe his ears. He really didn't know this person at all. He couldn't help the small, dark sarcastic laugh that escaped his lips. He had reached him boiling point. There was no turning back.

"No, April. This isn't about you saving that man's life! This is about you up and leaving me for nine months! Nine months April!" He nearly shouted at her. A look of surprised crossed her face. "You left me. And I tried, god knows I tried to be understanding. To give you time and space to recover, to get better. I didn't understand but I tried!" Tears were shining in his eyes by this point and April felt like someone had kicked her in the stomach. All of the emotions and feelings she suppressed for so long threatening to crush her very being.

"And then, finally, you come back. And instead of things being better, they couldn't possibly get any worse. My wife left but my wife never came back. It's like I don't even know you anymore, April. We don't talk, we don't laugh, we don't joke around, we don't have fun. We don't make love." He whispered, the thought causing a pain in his chest. "I don't know what you want or what you need or what makes you happy. All I know is that it damn sure isn't me." By now, Jackson was silently crying, but he didn't care. He had bottled this up for so long, he couldn't stop it from pouring out. His heart was broken and his pride was wounded and the source of his pain was this woman he loved more than life. "I have been so miserable and alone this past year and you don't seem to care one way or the other! I lost my son too, April! And then I lost my wife! And I can't live like this anymore!" He shouted at the end, his face started to crack as he quickly covered it with his hands. April was silently sobbing.

Her wall crumbled seeing her husband completely break down in front of her. The tears came rushing out, her heart breaking into, the dam was broken, the bubbled popped. Knowing that he was right. She abandoned him in her crusade to numb the pain and seeing the toll it's taken on him made her feel sick. She'd never seen him cry like this, not even when...

"Jackson.." She reached for him and he pulled back.

"I really am happy for you, that you've went out there and experienced all these things and that you're happy." He said, wiping his eyes, still under these circumstances wanting to make this easier for her. "And maybe it was supposed to happen this way, I don't know. Maybe we were never supposed to work out. We just.. ran off and got married so quick without thinking it through. I can't be mad at you for outgrowing me and our relationship. I'm more mad at myself for not seeing it sooner. I've just been.. I was just hoping that magically the woman I fell in love with would appear and I could finally breathe again. But after tonight I'm starting to understand that that's never going to happen. I need to face the reality. WE need to face the reality. We don't work anymore, April." A tear slid down his face, one he did not bother wiping away.

"What are you saying? Do you want to.. you want to split up? To get divorced? She sobbed quietly. The reality of what was happening crushing her heart. He was leaving her. She left him and she forgot about him and now he's leaving her. Her world was spinning, she felt like she couldn't breathe.

Jackson cringed, hating the word, and all it stood for. "I'm moving out." He whisper back. "Then.. we'll just figure it out."

April was at a loss for words. She just stood there, quietly sobbing, looking into his sad, defeated eyes trying to process what has become of her life, of her marriage. It was like she pressed pause and when she unpaused, everything was broken.

The pain in his chest got tighter with each passing moment. She said nothing, she did nothing to stop him. She didn't put up a fight. This was what needed to be done, now he was sure, and now he was even more devastated. He closed his eyes and wiped his face, shaking his head from side to side as if to clear it.

"Bye, April."

And with that, Jackson Avery gave up.


End file.
